Using love as an excuse.

I had the occasion to have a conversation with someone yesterday who is in a bit of a quandary and it was a reminder to me that there are worse things in this life than being single. Mind you, given the choice I certainly would like to have a partner but there are caveats to that… at this point in life, someone needs to be additive and not subtract from the quality of the days.

Now, that doesn’t mean everything is perfect or equal, nor does it mean that everything would go 100% my way. There isn’t a relationship on the planet between two people that is like that and good luck finding it. All relationships are a negotiation of sorts. We negotiate our terms in relationships and maybe that’s why marriage is a contract.

In the meantime I was playing the role of advice to the lovelorn, then again maybe lovelorn isn’t the right word really. Maybe…

Anyway, getting back to this. It was an old girlfriend that had been calling me. There’s a bit of a long story in that. She’s a nice enough person and everything but some people who complain about drama in their lives seem to do their level best to make decisions that make their lives very dramatic.

She has been appearing/disappearing over the last few months which was way more telling than she might have realized. There’s always more to a story, you just have to be patient and wait it out to get the whole thing.

I was glad to hear from her on one hand but with her, given what’s been happening with her over the last few years I’m always inclined not to really (I’m trying to think of the word here and it’s just not coming) extend myself.

There’s this thing that goes on, she shows up and appears to want attention… again, I’m just a bit wary because honestly? My life might not be terrific but I certainly don’t need it to be worse.

And I heard from her and she was talking about what was going on but there was a subtext and then she disappeared only to reappear a few weeks later when I was fairly certain she had one foot in, one foot out of some kind or relationship and because of that she was feeling lonely and wanted attention.

But the problem here is, I’m really not inclined to be someone’s second choice. I’m not their backup plan. I’m not the person who is so desperate as to suddenly drop everything and alter my world. It’s just not happening.

And then things got a bit busy on this end as it was and there are priorities.

As I got more of the story it turned out to be really funny, not funny for her but just another illustration of the bad choices some people make. It turned out money was involved and a lot of grift but I had seen this before with other women I know. It does make me laugh. The guy is smoke and mirrors, but he managed to talk her out of money and he did it by showing her a good time but the only issue with this is it’s a case of living beyond one’s means. So, there is all this ostentatious stuff but then when the bills come in it’s a bit of a problem and oh, I want you to invest in my business and we’ll be partners.

There was a lot more but she disappeared again and I just got tired and blocked her so I won’t deal with this anymore the next time things go off the rails and they will.

You would think people would get smarter as they get older but they don’t.

She went from an abusive controlling marriage to another guy and another guy and now another controlling person. That’s not on the guy either, she made the choice and you have to own your own actions and decisions in life. It’s a sad thing to watch especially when you might have thought someone was smarter than that.